​​Mind Body Spirit Counseling & Coaching

80 Nashua Road B3

Londonderry, NH 03053

Call Me:  (603) 475-9030

How We Love
Discover Your Love Style and Enhance Your Marriage


​Attachment Core Pattern Therapy (ACPT)

ACPT is a framework developed by Milan and Kay Yerkovich in their book How We Love. It helps couples stop attacking each other and instead identify how childhood wounds create reactive, destructive relationship patterns.


ACPT breaks relationship struggles down into four key components:

1. Identify Your Love Style
Your "Love Style" is an attachment pattern formed in childhood that dictates how you respond to stress and intimacy in adulthood. The five styles include:

  • The Pleaser: Avoids conflict, keeps everyone happy, and buries true feelings to maintain peace.
  • The Avoider: Values logic and independence; detaches or shuts down during high-conflict moments.
  • The Vacillator: Craves deep connection but is quick to withdraw or explode when feeling let down or abandoned.
  • The Controller: Needs to be in charge and relies on rules or anger to avoid vulnerability and feeling out of control.
  • The Victim: Tends to be passive, shutting down entirely and feeling hopeless when facing intense emotions or conflict.


2. Recognize the "Core Pattern"
When two different Love Styles collide, they often trigger a recurring, reactive cycle. ACPT teaches couples to identify this loop (the "Core Pattern") so they can treat the pattern itself as the enemy, rather than viewing their partner as the problem.

3. Trace the Roots
ACPT requires both partners to look inward and take responsibility for their own attachment injuries. Instead of just trying to fix surface-level fights, you examine your childhood history to understand why your brain perceives certain moments as threatening.

4. Practice the "Comfort Circle"
To move away from destructive patterns and build a secure emotional bond, couples practice structured conversations called the Comfort Circle. This requires:


  • Slowing down the pace of communication.
  • Practicing extended listening without immediately reacting or defending.
  • Taking responsibility for personal reactions and stress responses.


HOW WE LOVE SEX OR DON'T

We currently offer one Intensive a year where we will use the How We Love Sex or Don't Workshop to help couples explore their sexual relationship.  In this 3 Day Weekend intensive we will incorporate Milan and Kay's 6 hour workshop to discuss the five Love Styles and the common sexual problems each faces. As a couple learns how to cultivate a deep emotional bond and a spiritual connection they bring those parts of their relationship into every sexual encounter. A lot of us bare our bodies in a sexual encounter without ever having exposed much of our soul. We attempt to enjoy physical intimacy while struggling with emotional intimacy. In many cases, we don’t even know how to uncover our soul and be vulnerable with our clothes on. Of all of God’s creation, sex has been the most distorted, spoiled and desecrated from God’s original design and intent. In fact we are so saturated with the world’s view it’s difficult to keep God’s perspective in mind.


​3 Day Intensives

Retreats will take place at a mountain home in Milan, NH.  Katie LaPlant, LICSW and husband Steve LaPlant will present ideas and concepts that will transform your thinking and renew your mind, body and spirit through storytelling, group discussion and educational teaching using the How We Love Program by Milan and Kay Yerkovich.  How We Love is a Christian based program, however all are welcome to attend regardless of their faith background.  All retreats will include mindfulness-based ecotherapy/outdoor nature hike.  A Sample schedule will be as follows:

FRIDAY
4:30PM-6:00PM  Check-In
6:00PM-7:00PM  Seasonal Dinner
7:00PM-9:00PM  Session One
9:00PM-11:00PM   Free Time
11:00PM-7:00AM   Quiet Hours


SATURDAY
8:00AM-9:00AM  Seasonal Breakfast
9:00AM-12:00PM  Session Two
12:00PM-1:00PM  Seasonal Lunch
1:00PM-3:00PM Free Time (Enjoy relaxation in the sauna or massage chair) or Join a Mindfulness Based Nature Walk
3:00PM--6:00PM Session Three
6:00PM-7:00PM Seasonal Dinner
7:00PM-9:00PM  Fun Group Activity
9:00PM-11:00PM Free Time
11:00PM-7:00AM Quiet Hours

SUNDAY
8:00AM-9:00AM  Seasonal Breakfast
9:00-11:00AM  Session Four
11:00AM Check-Out



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Couples Intensives/Retreats
With Katie & Steve LaPlant


How We Love The "How We Love" intensives/Retreats, developed by relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich, are specialized multi-day group/educational sessions.  These concentrated retreats help couples uncover childhood wounds, identify negative interaction cycles, and replace them with healthy, secure communication patterns.  The program approaches couples work using a Attachment Core Pattern Therapy (ACPT).


Cost:   (Includes Lodging, Meals and Taxes)

We believe in this program and want it to be affordable to all.  There is a $50.00 registration fee per person that is non-refundable.  This retreat is run by donations and are greatly appreciated.


Location
White Mountains of NH